just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
