the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
