I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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