Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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