You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
