It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Randomize
