The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
