In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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