Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
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