guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
