Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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