I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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