Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
