Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
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