Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
