I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
you had me at cake vodka
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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