hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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