I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Apparently you make a good broom.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Randomize
