haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
