How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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