he shaved USA in his pubs
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
The adults are the big ones right?
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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