I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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