I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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