he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
