i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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