i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
