Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
