then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
