I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Randomize
