OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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