An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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