Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Randomize
