I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Randomize
