so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Randomize
