I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Still dying that you shit outside
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
