In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
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