I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
