Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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