Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I need to calm my uterus...
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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