I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
dude i'm inner monologue high
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
