I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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