a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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