Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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