my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
