can we get nightvision for the apartment?
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
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