Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
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