this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Randomize
