big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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