I need help removing her.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
