I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
