if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
