PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
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